Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
