I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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