when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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