Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
