When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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