About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
