it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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