There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
