coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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