he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize