I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
