Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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