the day after is always just damage control
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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