The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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