well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
