why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
