Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize