You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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