I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
