I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
