she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
