what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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