I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
