Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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