My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
