Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
