i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
