Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish I only lived at night.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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