He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
