Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
there is glitter all over my balls
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
