I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
