We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize