If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
