After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
