there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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