my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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