So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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