i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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