i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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