im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
