So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
