So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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