As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
