You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
