I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
