One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize