She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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