i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
