there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
