This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize