doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
