I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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