so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
