God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
