We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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