But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
