Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize