How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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