I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
