Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have tasted many bathrooms
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize