im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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