Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
