if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
