so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
