Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
