Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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