You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
