Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We have started to decorate penises.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
