i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
