My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
