Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize
