dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
