She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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