Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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