Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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