Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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