in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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