Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize