Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
