Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
