I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
