Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
