I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
