That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
