Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
