Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
