I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
