I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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