i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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