I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
