Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
