and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
