If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
