You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
