Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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