so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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