All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
