I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My pussy is not your playground.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
